I saw the show of a life time.
Leaving from Babylon on the train, I was oblivious. I had no idea how the night could go at all. Nothing could have made it mean any less to me. Not the rain, my soaking wet clothes, not the 10 dollars I paid for two fruit roll-ups, two air heads, and a bag of M&Ms. Not the fact that after the show I bought a shirt that was probably two sizes too big, not the even the 2 hours that it took to get back to Penn from Brooklyn, not the fact that we missed the 1:40 train and didn’t get home til 5 in the morn’ could have ruined that night for me.
Wednesday. After not sleeping and watching four hours of Dexter with knowledge of having work at 9:00. I decided around 8:30 I was going go into work. BBB was fine I didn’t do much, a cart or two and left. I left around 3 and waited til 430 for Jess to call to say that she was out front. We headed for Josh’s Job and went to the Diner to get something to eat. I’ve been listening to MewithoutYou lately. Really good band, great lyricism which is kinda been my thing lately. So we discussed what some of the songs meanings. There is this one line which will stick with me cause I just find it so true. “I had a rusty spade but I’m not the fighting sort, if I was Samson I’d have found that harlot’s blade and cut my own hair short!” It’s about him damning himself knowingly and willingly, accepting that he fucked up and he’s taking responsibility for it. Awesome-ass shit.
We left and took the train, to the city. Got there around 630. Took the bustling subway all the way into Brooklyn. Through the streets of rain with barely a idea of how to get there. Finally arriving at a dimly lit building which kinda looked like a run-down movie theater. We arrived a little early then desired. But that was fine with me. We walked up two flights of stairs to the mezzanine. And moved as close as we could to the stage and sat at a circle table. It was a little stage to look at from almost directly over head. I looked around, it seemed so like scene. Almost too perfect. I kept thinking someone is going to know we don’t belong here and get us downstairs. I said to Jess this is so surreal. I couldn’t believe it. I walked to the bar got two sodas and just relax as The first two bands played. The guy from The Wrens Played an Okkervil River song it ends with a fall. It was the best song in his set.
Now Will Sheff came out with his girl friends band before his performance. But during his set I realized one thing and I’m sure he would hate me for saying this but he is a Fucking Rock Star! The best part is its so unintentional like he doesn’t know about it, or tries to act it, he just is. It’s ridiculous. He has such poise, humble yet extremely confident. He plays from his heart like the crowd wasn’t there or even we were his long time friends, he just didn’t have to try to be talented. He was talent and it was like how the sky is blue, a common truth, like fucking destiny. Talent drools out of his mouth and everyone in the room gets a 1up just for being present. It was not to believed I was in shock. Usually when I write I throw Okkervil River on to get the juices flowing. At the show I couldn’t help but become submersed in that familiar trance. I started to think into everything going on around me, and I was thinking things and constantly going “Write that down.” But I couldn’t cause I wanted my full attention directed at the stage. He was funny and honest. For the encore people from the crowd yelled out “Play Westfall,” and he told this story when he was playing a show he was drinking and people kept shouting out songs and he kept messing up on them and forgetting them. And as the night went on and on he got drunker and kept getting worse and worse and he said “Since then I don’t play songs that people shout at me.” He sincerely apologized. Even though he told the story in almost a jokingly way. I felt like it really affected him, that the particular show was so awful and so embarrassing that he just couldn’t put that pressure on himself again. So I felt like he was playing for himself more than anyone in the room. Like he had something to prove to himself and no one else. At one point during the set he strums the G-Chord which is how “Lost Coastlines” starts. And he stopped as soon as he strummed, some girl screamed. So he says with a smirk “Wow, got a big fan of the G-Chord here… Okay calling an audible”, he than played “Happy Hearts” instead. Like he didn’t want it to be anyone else’ show but his own. It was all for him and you had to respect it. The songs that he loves to play are the songs we love to hear.
He played a lot of good stuff. During “No key, No Plan” he looked right at us and the line goes “You never earned your soul, I know.” Like a confession or an accusation, and he’s eyes were like Jet Black, beady, but extremely intense and I just froze. We were on the left of the stage and he looked up at the center, said the same thing bu I noticed he did not look at the right where is girlfriend and his friends were sitting. So I wonder what it truly was. If anything at all.
The whole time I was waiting for him to play “A Stone”. It’s my favorite song. So I will dedicate a entire post to it eventually. But he did an it was fantastic. He covered a wrens song “Ex-Girlfriend Collection” That was good. He also played “Love to a Monster”. “Yeah, so here I go, just exploding the hope we’ll be speaking some day, years from now, seeking friendship and understanding. Yeah, I hope you get angry, and hurt, and have the hardest of landings. And I hope your new man thinks of me when he sees what a number I did on you.” The sincerity of these lines made me choke up. It was as if we were long time friends and he was confiding in us. The entire show he sang softly only wailing when he put emotion into the words. It sounded beautiful and haunting all at once.
His performance was so good that I am convinced that something completely awful will happen to bring me back to where I was before. This night did something to me that’s permanent. His performance is something I will play in my mind til they put me in my grave. I’ll tell my kids about it like a bed time story. Tell people about it like it was a night of acid and had the best time of my life and people will all say the same fucking thing, “Mike you’re crazy,” and I’ll reply, “I never earned my soul, you know?”
